This English version was translated from the Chinese original with AI assistance. The Chinese text is authoritative.
Learning Chinese really is not easy for foreigners. The subtleties of Chinese words often leave foreign learners reeling. Here are a few jokes.
1. 方便 (fāngbiàn)
An American who had just learned a little Chinese came to China, and a Chinese friend invited him to dinner.
When they had taken their seats at the restaurant, the Chinese friend said: “Excuse me, I’m going to 方便 (be convenient) for a moment.”
The foreigner didn’t understand: where is “方便”?
Seeing him puzzled, the Chinese friend explained that in colloquial speech “方便” means “to go to the toilet.” Oh! The foreigner misunderstood.
During the meal, the Chinese friend said to the foreigner: “Next time I go to America, I hope you can help provide me with some 方便 (convenience).”
The foreigner was baffled: he’s coming to America and wants me to provide him with some toilets?
When they said goodbye, another Chinese friend at the table warmly said to the foreigner: “I’d like to invite you to dinner when it is 方便 for you.” Seeing the foreigner stunned and staring, the Chinese friend went on:
“If it’s not 方便 for you lately, let’s make it another day…” The foreigner was speechless.
“Let’s find a time that is 方便 for both of us and have dinner together.” The foreigner promptly fainted.
2. 东西 (dōngxi)
Teacher: Do you know what 东西 means?
Foreigner: No.
Teacher: 东西 means a thing. For example, a house is a 东西, a table is a 东西, a car is a 东西, and so on. Understand?
Foreigner: Oh, teacher, I understand. So a person is a 东西 too!
Teacher: You’re wrong. A person has thoughts and feelings and cannot be called a 东西.
Foreigner: Oh, I see. So a person is not a 东西 (“is a worthless wretch”).
Judging right and wrong according to the specific context is sure to leave foreigners going in circles.
Judging right and wrong according to the specific context is sure to leave foreigners going in circles. (Image source: Adobe Stock)
3. True or false
Judge right or wrong according to the specific context. A foreigner with quite good Chinese read this and exclaimed that foreigners are sure to be left going in circles.
“Your teeth look really nice (真好看, literally ‘truly good-looking’)!”
“Oh, they’re false (假的).”
“What, really or not (真的假的)?”
“Really (真的).”
Question: Are the teeth real or false?
4. Multiple choice
Loudspeaker: Big sale on woolen sweaters! 件件10元 (every piece 10 yuan), 样样10元 (every kind 10 yuan), 全部10元 (all 10 yuan).
Question: What costs 10 yuan?
A 件件 B 样样 C 全部 D 羊毛衫 (woolen sweater)
This is a complete brain-teaser, a bit like a crosstalk routine! It drives foreigners collectively crazy.
Humor: the great Chinese language drives foreigners crazy. (Image source: Adobe Stock)
III. 意思 (yìsi)
A certain foreigner studied Chinese hard for 10 years and came to China to take a Chinese exam.
Question one: Explain the meaning of each “意思” in the following passage:
When A Dai gave his boss a red envelope, their conversation was rather 有意思 (interesting).
Boss: “What’s the 意思 (meaning) of this?”
A Dai: “No particular 意思, just a little 意思意思 (token of appreciation).”
Boss: “Now you’re not being 够意思 (generous enough as a friend).”
A Dai: “Just a 小意思 (small token), a 小意思.”
Boss: “You’re really an 有意思 (amusing) fellow.”
A Dai: “Actually I have no other 意思 (intention).”
Boss: “Then I’ll feel 不好意思 (embarrassed) accepting it.”
A Dai: “No, I’m the one who’s 不好意思.”
The foreigner was completely bewildered.
Question two: Candidates, write down the difference between the two halves of each of the following sentences.
1. Winter: 能穿多少穿多少 (wear as much as you can); summer: 能穿多少穿多少 (wear as little as you can).
2. There are two reasons “leftover women” remain single: one is 谁都看不上 (she looks down on everyone), the other is 谁都看不上 (nobody fancies her).
3. On the subway I heard a girl, probably calling her boyfriend: 如果你到了我还没到你就等着吧 (if you get there before me, just wait), 如果我到了你还没到你就等着吧 (if I get there before you, you’ll be in for it).
4. Reasons for being single: at first it was 喜欢一个人 (liking a certain person), now it is 喜欢一个人 (liking being alone).
5. Two reasons for wanting to be with someone: one is 喜欢上人家 (falling for that person), the other is also 喜欢上人家 (the same words with a cruder sense).
6. The “意思” of Chinese was far too deep, so he handed in a blank paper and went home…
