This English version was translated from the Chinese original with AI assistance. The Chinese text is authoritative.
Entry: What is a homophonic pun (谐音)? A homophonic pun uses the fact that Chinese characters share the same or similar sounds, substituting a character of the same or similar sound for the original character to create humor.
Chinese has a great many homophones, and even Chinese people often end up with funny mix-ups. Some people also borrow these homophones to make up pun jokes to entertain everyone.
1. Old Li had something to discuss with Xiao Wang, so he phoned him.
When the call went through, Old Li heard Xiao Wang’s familiar voice and asked happily, “You’re Xiao Wang, right? (你是小王吧, nǐ shì Xiǎo Wáng ba)”
Xiao Wang said angrily, “You’re the bastard! (你才是王八呢, wángba, literally ‘turtle’)”
2. While out for a walk, Lu Zhishen ran into Shi Jin and went up to greet him: “Shi, have you eaten? (史，吃了吗)”
Shi Jin flew into a rage and kicked Lu Zhishen: “You’re the one who eats shit (屎, shǐ)!”
Lu Zhishen got up, patted off the dirt and looked puzzled: “Shi Jin (史进), what’s wrong with you?”
Shi Jin backed off dozens of meters, then charged at him roaring: “Damn it, you told me to ‘push hard’ (使劲, shǐjìn)!”
3. A: Do you have A Brief History of Time (时间简史, Shíjiān jiǎn shǐ)?
B: Even when I have time (有时间), I don’t pick up shit (捡屎, jiǎn shǐ)…
4. A crab went out for a walk and accidentally bumped into a loach.
The loach was furious: “Are you blind (瞎, xiā)?”
The crab felt wronged: “No, I’m a crab (蟹, xiè)!”
5. There was a colleague in the office named Li Yilian (李逸连). Later, people all called him “Shameless” (无耻). (礼仪廉耻: “propriety, righteousness, integrity, shame”, with “shame” left out)
There was also a man named Liu Hua (刘华), and later everyone called him “Lacking Virtue” (缺德). (刘德华: Andy Lau, with “德” missing)
6. One day a rich man wanted to buy a car but was hesitating because the dealership had no lucky license plate numbers. The dealer came over and said with a smile: “This plate is good: 00544 (‘dòng dòng wǒ shì shì’: ‘just try touching me’). I guarantee nobody will dare to mess with you. Not bad, eh?”
The rich man was tempted and bought the car on the spot, but the very next day he had an accident. He got out angrily, thinking “how dare you hit this car”, but one look and he slunk away: the other car’s plate was 44944 (‘shì shì jiù shì shì’: ‘try me, then’).
7. Once upon a time there was a man who was very afraid of his wife. One day, while his wife was out, he secretly ate a box of rice cakes (一盒年糕). That evening his wife punished him, gave him a thorough scolding, and made him kneel until the third watch of the night before he could sleep.
He just could not understand why his lot was so bad, so he went into the street to find a fortune-teller to tell his fortune.
The fortune-teller asked: “May I ask your honorable age (贵庚, guìgēng)?”
He said: “I didn’t kneel (跪, guì) long, only until the third watch (三更, sāngēng).”
The fortune-teller said: “That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking how old you are (年高几何, nián gāo jǐ hé).”
He said: “I only just sneaked a taste. How many boxes (几盒, jǐ hé) could I eat? I only ate one box (一盒).”
8. I went to the hospital pharmacy to pick up some Chinese herbal medicine. There were a lot of people at the window, and whenever a nurse came by everyone scrambled to ask whether their medicine was ready.
Standing on tiptoe at the back of the crowd, I said: “Nurse, I’m here for medicine: my danshen (丹参, dānshēn).”
An auntie in front turned around, rolled her eyes at me and said: “Young man, forget it. Being single (单身, dānshēn) has no cure!”
