This English version was translated from the Chinese original with AI assistance. The Chinese text is authoritative.
Below is a Chinese-language exam paper from a primary school in Taiwan. Unless you have studied the traditional Chinese classics in sufficient depth, you will basically score zero. Knowledge and culture take time to cultivate; in the future mainland China will need to go to Taiwan to learn traditional culture. Let’s take a look together. Each answer appears after the next question — count up how many points you get!
1. Last summer vacation, Guanyun traveled to the mainland with her family. When she got back and developed her photos, she was startled to find a supernatural photo that could not possibly have been taken. The scene in this photo must be:
(A) Lotus flowers on four sides, willows on three
(B) Green trees encircle the village’s edge
(C) An ancient road, a west wind, a lean horse
(D) At the third watch, a painted pleasure boat passes through the lotus blossoms
The answer:
1. (D) At the third watch, a painted pleasure boat passes through the lotus blossoms
Because all the others are normal scenes.
2. In the book Women Writers of Chinese History, which writer’s works “cannot be found”?
(A) Li Qingzhao
(B) Liu Xia
(C) Pan Xizhen
(D) Peng Duanshu
The answer:
2. (D) Peng Duanshu
No doubt about it — he’s a man.
3. The teacher asked every student to choose a novel to read and present their reflections on stage after the start of term. Whose report not only made the teacher standing by shake her head but also set the whole class roaring with laughter?
(A) Reflections on the Analects
(B) Reflections on Romance of the Three Kingdoms
(C) Reflections on The Old Man and the Sea
(D) Reflections on A New Account of the Tales of the World
The answer:
3. (A) Reflections on the Analects
A student who can read the Analects as a novel deserves to be worshipped, not to have heads shaken at him.
4. For a natural science report, Wanrong searched the Encyclopedia of Birds website. Of the four keywords she typed, which one returned no results?
(A) 鸿鹄 (swan goose)
(B) 鸿儒 (great scholar)
(C) 鸱枭 (owl)
(D) 昏鸦 (crows at dusk)
The answer:
4. (B) 鸿儒 (great scholar)
Of course it can’t be ruled out that great scholars sometimes act a bit “birdbrained,” but that doesn’t mean a great scholar is a bird.
5. Su Shi and his good friend Zhang Huaimin took a night stroll at Chengtian Temple. Which sight could they not possibly have seen?
(A) A small study, quiet and spacious, bright with the red morning sun
(B) Fireflies carrying lanterns
(C) The lights of a small town twinkling where the pine needles are sparse
(D) Mother-loving crows crying in the night
The answer:
5. (A) A small study, quiet and spacious, bright with the red morning sun
曦 means sunlight.
6. Among the actions Jinhong performs, which one does not mean “to strike” (打)?
(A) 打球 (play ball)
(B) 打寒噤 (shiver)
(C) 打人! (hit someone!)
(D) 打蚊子 (swat a mosquito)
The answer:
6. (B) 打寒噤 (shiver)
Although sometimes A and C don’t involve striking either.
7. When doing which of the following actions do the left and right hands not overlap and touch?
(A) “Climbing” (攀) onto the platform
(B) “Praying” (祈祷) for one’s son
(C) Laughing while “clapping the palms” (抚掌)
(D) “Bowing with clasped hands” (揖) and yielding before ascending
8. Which of the following actions does not violate traffic rules?
(A) The man under the bridge who obstructed the emperor’s procession
(B) Zhu Ziqing’s father crossing the railway tracks
(C) Xiaoming’s father driving after drinking
(D) Xu Zhimo chasing the setting sun on a bicycle
The answer:
7. (A) “Climbing” (攀) onto the platform
Please try it out for yourself… The answer:
8 (D) Xu Zhimo chasing the setting sun on a bicycle
It would if he rode on the expressway.
9. During the all-school cleaning time, judging by the attitudes of the following four people as they clean, whose temperament is the most impatient?
(A) Yufang leisurely tidying up the toolbox
(B) Qihui unhurriedly sweeping the corridor
(C) Youcheng furiously scrubbing the toilet floor
(D) Jianqing calmly wiping the windows
The answer:
9. (C) Youcheng furiously scrubbing the toilet floor
Well… it’d be hard not to be impatient doing that.
10. To help the class review for the final exam, the teacher wrote some difficult words on the blackboard for everyone to read aloud together. Which word troubled Siyuan, who can’t pronounce retroflex sounds well?
(A) 滑稽 (huájī, funny)
(B) 佝偻 (gōulóu, hunchbacked)
(C) 强聒 (qiǎngguō, to chatter on insistently)
(D The answer:
10. (D) 容赦 (róngshè, to pardon)
Once again we encourage hands-on learning… try it — it really is hard to say.
11. To better understand the rules on word counts for xiaoling, zhongdiao and changdiao, Jiayan followed her Chinese teacher’s recommendation and went to the library to borrow the book Caotang Shiyu for reference. On which category of shelf should Jiayan look to find this book?
(A) Regulated (recent-style) poetry
(B) Ci lyrics
(C) Qu songs
(D) Modern poetry
The answer:
11. (B) Ci lyrics
Fooling us with word games again…
12. Huichan wrote a five-character quatrain and submitted it to Dongfeng Youth. Given that the fee is calculated at 5 dollars per character, how much will Huichan earn in all?
(A) 100 dollars
(B) 140 dollars
(C) 200 dollars
(D) 280 dollars
The answer:
12. (A) 100 dollars
5 characters × 4 lines × 5 dollars = 100 dollars.
13. Xinting has decided that when he gets to senior high he will definitely join the school’s most popular Chinese music club. Which instrument can he learn to play in the club?
(A) Huqin
(B) Piano
(C) Violin
(D) Organ
The answer:
13. (A) Huqin
Anyone who thinks B, C or D is Chinese music, raise your hand~~ There’s a wall at the back of the classroom; when you put your hand down, go bang your head on it.
14. When He Yi was doing his Chinese homework, too lazy to look through the textbook, he simply copied from Youde’s notebook. Copying muddle-headedly like this, which of the following sentences did he copy wrong?
(A) Liang Qichao, courtesy name Zhuoru, style name Rengong
(B) Also styled Master of the Shaved-Ice Parlor
(C) He took part in the Hundred Days’ Reform of 1898
(D) He was a famous modern statesman and scholar
The answer:
14. (B) Also styled Master of the Shaved-Ice Parlor
Some people get all the way to university and still remember Yinbingshi (the “Ice-Drinking Studio”) as Bingguoshi (the “Shaved-Ice Parlor”). Of course, in hot weather everyone’s craving for shaved ice is understandable.
15. Which of the following sets of clothing and accessories is most likely to be the attire of a woman in ancient times?
(A) Black ceremonial robe and zhangfu cap
(B) Feather fan and silk head-kerchief
(C) Slippers and undershirt
(D) Cloud-like hair coils and yellow flower ornaments on the forehead
The answer:
15. (D) Cloud-like hair coils and yellow flower ornaments on the forehead
A is ceremonial sacrificial dress, B is reserved for Zhuge Liang, C is reserved for slovenly men.
16. From what you know of Confucius, which star sign do you think he should belong to:
(A) Aries — competitive and eager to show off
(B) Taurus — indecisive and sentimental
(C) Libra — just and selfless, loving and kind
(D) Sagittarius — romance everywhere, dashing and refined
The answer:
16. (C) Libra — just and selfless, loving and kind
A is Zilu, B is the emperors Huizong and Qinzong, D is Duan Yu’s father.
Well? Did that stump you?
Jokes about officialdom and its unwritten rules
1. An officialdom couplet:
First line: Superiors press down on subordinates, each level pressing the next — at every level the load is raised, and success arrives at a gallop;
Second line: Lower ranks deceive higher ranks, each layer deceiving the next — at every layer water is added, and the channel forms when the water comes;
Horizontal scroll: Harmonious development.
2. An official’s daily log:
Get up at dawn — shadow-box (打拳); morning meeting — doze off (打盹); lunch — burp (打嗝); afternoon at work — yawn (打哈); overtime at dusk — play cards (打牌); evening entertainment — play ×; home late at night — fight (打架).
3. Officialdom quotations:
“Grasping firmly” means holding meetings; “management” means collecting fees; “attaching importance” means slogans; “implementation” means moving one’s lips; “acceptance inspection” means getting drunk; “checking” means banquets; “study” means wrangling; “achievements” means bragging; “reporting” means watering down; “price rises” means “aligning with international standards.”
4. The officialdom superlatives:
The hardest place to find — “the relevant departments”;
The most elusive official phrase — “We’ll study it”;
The most mysterious body — “the organization”;
The biggest official — the “number one hand”;
The hardest thing to control — one’s mouth;
When one is most modest — in front of superiors;
The most high-sounding phrase — “the needs of the work”;
The most easily accepted bribe — “What a wonderful speech you gave!”
The most cared-about news — whether one will be promoted this time;
The silliest joy — “the organization has considered your problem”;
The most helpless choice — “because of age”;
The most insidious excuse for harming someone — “the masses have complained!”
5. Office rules:
Toil hard and work for real — it’s all for heaven’s eyes; muddle along here and there — smooth sailing all the way; bear the burden without complaint — never get what you wish; know how to flatter and give gifts — an outstanding contribution; do your duty to the full — sure to be blamed; shirk and frame others — claim the credit and collect the reward!
6. Head of the Organization Department: whoever cares about me, I care about them;
Secretary of the Discipline Inspection Commission: whoever doesn’t care about me, I care about them;
Head of the Propaganda Department: whoever cares about me, I care about their positive side,
whoever doesn’t care about me, I care about their negative side;
Municipal Party Secretary: whoever cares about me, I have the head of the Organization Department care about them; whoever doesn’t care about me, I have the Discipline Inspection secretary care about them.
7. It’s all in the XX.
Busy public servants are in private dining rooms; important work is in banquets; appointing and removing cadres is in deals; awarding construction contracts is in the black box; work that should be grasped is in slogans; urgent matters that must be handled are in meetings; sound plans are in drawers; unhealthy trends that should be stopped are in notices; poverty-relief cadres are in Audis; precious talent is in eulogies; quality goods are in advertisements; brilliant figures are in year-end summaries.
8. Sketch of a civil servant:
Threw himself into society with a heart full of zeal, crawling and tumbling, exhausted all day; groveling to win a position, rushing about year-round, drunk every day; pitiful income, everything too expensive; kowtowing in every dealing, spending money everywhere; useful skills long gone to waste, learned nothing but good at meetings; saying one thing and meaning another, complying in public and defying in private, toadying and flattering in search of chances; the prime of youth spent in such a sorry state, scraping by, a wretched life to the end!
9. Discoveries from the Xinwen Lianbo news broadcast:
No meeting is not grand; no closing is not victorious; no speech is not important; no resolution is not passed; no applause is not warm; no hearts are not inspired; no leaders do not attach importance; no progress is not smooth; no problem is not solved; no target is not exceeded; no achievement is not huge; no construction is not completed ahead of schedule; no meeting with the masses is not cordial; China and Japan are never not friendly; China and the US are never not cooperating; no representation is not stern; no talks are not a complete success.
10. Poor people and rich people:
Those who owe money to individuals are poor; those who owe money to the state are rich. Those who look at the alcohol content when drinking are poor; those who look at the brand are rich. Those who write books are poor; those who pirate them are rich. Those who eat poultry are poor; those who eat wild game are rich. Those who till the land are poor; those who buy and sell land are rich. Those whose women sleep with others are poor; those who sleep with others’ women are rich.
11. A new interpretation of poverty and wealth:
When poor, you raise pigs; when rich, you raise dogs. When poor, you plant rice; when rich, you plant grass. When poor, you want to marry a wife; when rich, you want to find a mistress. When poor, your wife doubles as your secretary; when rich, your secretary doubles as your wife.
12. A new interpretation of modern corporate titles:
Always (总) cutting (裁) staff — hence zongcai (president); always (老) keeping a stiff (板) face — hence laoban (boss); always (总) wanting to watch (监) people — hence zongjian (director); often (经) without reason (理) — hence jingli (manager); making the leader secretly (秘) comfortable (舒) — hence mishu (secretary).
13. Four clear and four unclear:
What the meeting is about is unclear, where to sit at the meeting is clear; who gave gifts is unclear, who didn’t is clear; who did a good job is unclear, who should be promoted is clear; whom one sleeps with is unclear, what one sleeps for is clear.
14. These days, wrong characters are everywhere:
“Fooling the people” for “enjoying with the people” (愚民同乐); “planting trees to make zero” for “planting trees to make forests” (植树造零); “building a fortune from bribes received” for “building a fortune from scratch” (白收起家); “getting rich by diligent grabbing” for “getting rich by diligent work” (勤捞致富); “selecting by grease” for “selecting the best” (择油录取); “gaining both money and coin” for “having both virtue and talent” (得财兼币); “inspection by banquet” for “inspection and acceptance” (检查宴收); “vigorously supporting eating” for “vigorously supporting” (大力支吃); “storing harm for the people” for “eliminating harm for the people” (为民储害); “releasing upon payment” for “releasing early” (提钱释放); “attacking officials, miss” for “public relations lady” (攻官小姐).
